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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Withdrawal hell - Gianna's experience at a not traditional detox place

I remember that during the time I was tapering off 6 drugs and later during nineteen months I spent tapering Effexor I thought that I should be either in hospital or in a place surrounded by people that understood the process I was through. When I reached the end of Effexor withdrawal I had so many withdrawal symptoms that I had to have people in my house during one month.
Living was impossible and I had to go back to Effexor. I felt extremely sad and a failure.
My mistake, now I can see, was taking away the last dose of Effexor instead of keep on it for a longer period of time since it was the most difficult dose to withdraw.
Gianna, who has withdrew 6 drugs during the last five years, was feeling so bad that she went to a detox place.
Read the post she has written about the first day she was there:
"Okay. I’ve arrived. I actually came in yesterday as the trip here–two days in the car, was rough. I feel a bit like I’m in the twilight zone. In some good ways, and some not so good."

"They got me started on a blend of IV nutrients and amino acids. Was hoping for so me quick relief, was told I might get quick relief. No such luck. I felt much worse throughout the IV. I got really scared as a result of that. Will it work? Can it work? Will I come out worse than I came in?

"It’s not that I don’t know it works for some people, I do know that. But I have always been trickier and stranger than “most people” and here I was feeling worse and worse as their concoction went into my vein.

All the horrible stories about detox experiences started flooding my mind. I’ve heard hundreds of them. They are ALL about traditional detox centers. Not places like this. I am afraid though that for me it won’t be different that I might end up worse off."

I did want to say that the level of respect I’m being treated with is astonishing. No psych ward I’ve been in or detox center I’ve visited (as a professional social worker I spent time in detox and rehab centers from time to time) treat people so well. So in that respect, at least, I am being treated humanely and kindly.

Medically, on the other hand, I simply don’t know yet if they know what the fuck they are doing. But really I knew that coming in.

I’m so wasted right now I have to stop. Hope I can say more later, but frankly, have no idea what direction this is going to move in. My tendency is to go silent on my personal shit when things are dark and ugly.

Peace out."
This is from one comment she did:
"The horror stories about detox that I’ve heard of are ALL from traditional detox centers that use hard core drugs to get you off of hard core drugs…doesn’t make much sense… and what I’m doing hasn’t been being done for all that many years and there aren’t that many facilities in the country that do it, so I’m learning by experience."
This is not a good place to be but I truly hope that Gianna can forget psychiatric yards and traditional detox experiences. What she is doing can be of great help for many people in the future.
Be at peace Gianna!

2 comments:

Gianna said...

thank you sweet Ana...
I greatly appreciate the love of so many of you out there. I really feel it helps me heal.

peace to you too.

Ana said...

I'm glad to know things are getting better!