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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Reason is great, emotions are sick

This is me this last month. If I'm with my mind occupied with activities that require thinking I work fine. As soon as I stop it... I feel like crying and other stuffs.
It's amazing how hard it is to control emotions.
I'm asking for some help and it makes me feel terrible because it seems that I should be able to do it by myself.
Not for the moment. I have to accept that for the moment I need some help and I'll have to listen to all those advices that I should do this or that, things I don't care not even when I'm fine.
But when it comes from people who really care about you it causes no harm because this is the way people find to be helpful.
What always amazes me is that even mild emotional problems have to be hidden. People judge you whenever you need a little help, when you are not fully in control of yourself even when you just say that all you need is "a little patience" nothing more.
One can ask numerous favors for others but if you are depressed you have to think twice asking for a tiny thing. I cannot imagine what people who spend all their money during a maniac phase have to take from people who surround them. It must be hard.
I talking about it because I met a woman who was devastated because she has spend all her money. I started thinking about her family and friends.
I know some people have help from their families. But according to my experience and the experience of many it is a moral issue.
I hope it makes some sense because I'm not good in writing about this things. I have to take care of myself now.
Funny, I thought I would never feel this way. It's nothing serious but I'm not fine. Everybody has periods like that but when you have been prescribed so many drugs and is taking some because you cannot stand withdrawal, drugs that contributes to the way you're feeling but people can't see it's a little hard to say you're not a nutter.
I don't care. I just want to feel fine.

8 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

Sorry that you're not doing well right now, Ana. I hope it is short-lived.

Ana said...

Thank you AD!
We know all the reasons but it's amazing how we cannot overcome it sometimes.
I'm avoiding reading things that can trigger sadness.
If I keep focusing on other issues I can feel better.

Mark Krusen said...

Ana,

I too am sorry your not feeling well. Know that I'm thinking of you. And just think. If I win the lotto you'll get your happy meal. You know what a happy meal is right?

Ana said...

Thank you Mark!
You know that I have to go to the lunnie ti get prescriptions to by the drugs.
Every time I go there I think of you. lol
No! I remember you saying on a post "I don't want to go to the lunnie."
Me too.
I've been to the lunnie to put my ex there and it was terrible.
Now I have to go to the lunnie.
I don't fear the patients. Of course.
I use to talk to them because some of them get out to get sun at 9 a.m.
The problem is before that. Having to talk to the psychiatrist. It's amazing we have to go to get prescriptions to buy these stuffs.
You will never will have to go there again.
Never.
If I win the lottery I'll create a special unity for friends.
Meal... Yep... I gained weight this month!
Now I will have to lose it again. Those 2 kg extras... I never let it go further because you know....
I'm lying, it's already 3 kg.
The thing I have on the bathroom to measure has broken. I've tried to put a jeans... no possible.
Thank you very much.
If I could be rational the whole day all problems were solved.

Radagast said...

How do you know that you don't feel fine (that's a serious question, by the way)? And if you *were* feeling fine, what would you be doing that you're not doing, now?

Matt

Ana said...

I'm felling like crying and sad most of the time.
I would be doing the normal things daily life requires.

preciousrock said...

I want you to feel fine too, Ana. Hope you are doing the "normal" things soon. PR

Ana said...

Thank you PreciousRock!