Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Drug-induced suicidal ideation

Philip Dawdy just wrote a post: "How I Got Off-Meds" which is a must-read. Among many issues he raises the suicidal ideation promoted by some psychiatric drugs.
I had drug-induced suicidal ideation while tapering off Effexor.
This is the comment I left on FS explaining the differences of real suicidal ideation and chemical suicidal ideation:

" One thing I should mention is that after years of bouts of suicidal ideation--largely driven by anti-depressants in my opinion--I hadn't had a suicidal image in my head for about a year. "
Philip Dawdy

I had drug-induced suicidal ideation during the 19 months I was tapering Effexor.
I had 4 terrible episodes of this withdrawal symptom.
I can clearly see that it was drug-induced and fortunately I had read that during withdrawal this symptom can appear. Thank you Charles Medawar, David Healy and others for describing this.
For no reason I felt suicidal ideation.
My life was fine but, for no reason, I started "wanting" to kill myself.
During the suicidal ideation time in the back of my mind there was a warning:
"-This is withdrawal, this is withdrawal, this is withdrawal..."
When I was a teenager I had so many problems with my family that sometimes I thought about killing myself.
I knew I was not going to do that but I've spend sometimes thinking about how could I kill myself after sleeping.
I slept and in the next morning I was happy going to school and not even remembered that I thought about dying.
But by the time I was feeling the drug-induced there was no reason. No reason whatsoever!
Just the feeling that "-I'm going to kill myself!"
look at the difference:

"-I'm going to kill myself!"
"-I'm wanting to kill myself!"

I also felt a tiny little urge to burn my skin with the cigarette. I never felt it in my entire life. Not even for a second.
Didn't do it and by the time I was feeling it I thought about this idea and I remember asking myself "-Where does it come from?" I felt very strange for I knew I didn't WANT to burn myself.

I'm writing it because it's a very important, complex and subjective issue and I hope that this questions are raised by the mainstream media.
Can you please do it my dear mainstream journalist? It can happens to you or some of your acquaintances and I hope it never happens to a family member who has a gun on the hand.
I'm not sure if I had a gun I would be here.

You can publish it now Philip!
Now I'm in total control of my emotions and wrote it with objectiveness.
That time was an outburst and I've remembered everything as if it was happening and cried a lot.
And you were ethic and kind enough not to publish it.
Thank you once again!

Congratulations Philip! Out off meds for 1 one year!

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