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Friday, January 02, 2009

I'm feeling great!

It's a miracle. Desperate times, desperate measures. I've tried something totally out of the withdrawal protocols. I've already said that since I started the Effexor XR instead of the tablets I'm feeling side effects. I had to do something. I decided not to take the morning pill once a week and now I'm not taking the morning pill on Wednesdays and on Thursdays.
It seems it's working.
Yesterday I started to feel good. Today I'm in heaven! I cannot believe. I'm jumping. Yep, jumping like a child. I love to dance and I love jumping since I was a little girl.
I'm not dizzy. Wow! I'm not dizzy.
Better: I'm not suicidal! I'm not depressed, I'm not feeling urges to burn my skin with cigarettes or through myself out of the window and the fog that detached me from reality has disappear. My legs are not jelly and now I feel them on the ground and coordinated to my hip. Sounds don't bother me. I can sing.
Better: I can concentrate now, I'm reading and I can understand what I'm reading. I thought I was getting stupid. Really, I'm a bluestocking and without reading I'm not myself. I thought that I was never be able to read again.
For the last 9 months I was feeling terrible and now I realize that it was really Effexor side effects.
I'm not feeling that my brain was kind of moving, something very strange. That kind of ataxia, my right side not connected to my left, has disappeared.
I'm responding to music! I can dance again. I'm happy for no reason.
I'm alive. I hope it last, Jesus let me be like this!
Today is my grandma's birthday. I don't know the day she passed away in 1998. I was withdrawing so it was easy not to check the day and I did all the effort not to do it so I don't even know which month she died. Since I was a girl I thought that I didn't want to know about this day.
I didn't go to her funeral and I have already said to my family I will not go to any funeral except mine and I don't want any kind of this stuff. I want to be cremated, Period. A body means nothing and I don't fear my own death.
So I can celebrate my grandma's birthday today jumping.
"Grandma, as you can see I've had my nails done just like you used to do. I can focus now and I promise I will never let my nails be that way again.
Happy birthday grandma!"

10 comments:

Andy A said...

That's great news, Ana! Some of your happiness even rubbed off on me. Have a great year.

Gianna said...

so happy you're feeling better!!

happy new year for real.

Andy A said...

I'm sorry I didn't include this with my last comment; I don't mean to spam your comments.


There are many comments (including some from Bob) on this post I found today. I thought you or your readers might want to throw in your two cents worth:
Antidepressants, physical dependence, and semantics

Ana said...

Thank you!
I'm still observing myself and scary it's just a day.
Let's wait.

Stephany said...

Great! I hope it lasts!!

Violet Starr said...

It is so good to see you in such high spirits! So refreshing! May you have a wonderful 2009. Happy New Year!
Love, Jena

Ana said...

Andy,
It's not spam! Feel free to put any link you like.
I've visited the site. Thank you for telling my story.
I don't feel like discussing addiction now.
I'll do it later.

Stephany,
I'm still experimenting. I also hope it lasts.

Hi Jena!
You've changed your photo!
It's you!
Good to know you're back.

Gianna said...

hey...It's your birthday, isn't it??

so glad you're having a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

susan said...

Yippie! Yippie!

It's going to be a GREAT year!

Ana said...

Gianna,
No. It's my grandma's birthday.

((((SUSAN))))
For all of us!