Thursday, October 23, 2008

Do you tell that you take psych-drugs on the first date?

I keep on wondering if I've missed the mag who wrote this article. If it's not written yet it's a shame! Perhaps by the end of the first date:

Me "-I have something to tell you. Something very serious."
Him "-You can tell me whatever you want." {very understanding kind}
Me "-It's really serious, you know? I don't know what you'll think about me after a tell what I have to say.
Him "-You are worrying me. But what could be that serious?"
Me "-I take Effexor, Seroquel and Clonazepam. {feeling like the world is falling apart}
Him "-What on earth are these? Are you doing drugs like ecstasy or heroin?
Me "-No! These are psychiatric drugs. {wanting to run}
Him "-Say what? Are you a lunatic... I mean... mentally disturbed... you know... crazy?

I don't think this is the best way. And how am I going to explain that I'm on these drugs because of withdrawal symptoms? Would it be better to say that I'm bipolar and spare the details? Must I tell the Effexor withdrawal saga: that I've spent two years tapering off Effexor blah... blah... blah... ?
Please! I need an article on one of these mags. Marie Claire, please!


Anonymous said...

Such a tough decision. One I have struggled with and still don't have a good answer for. I'm usually up front only after I'm pretty certain that this is a person that I would really like to get to know better; i.e., I don't spill my guts to just any date. So, I guess my answer is -- not on the first date but rather on the first date after the date during which you realize this is someone you would really be interested in for long term.

P.S. Thanks for the award. I finally picked it up and will get it up as soon as I get my act together.

Ana said...

Yes! This is the best thing to do. We have it ride it from everybody. Looks like a moral question.
I hope you're back!
I'm glad you've picket the award.

Stan said...

Dear Ana:

I usually just light up a nice bowl of lithium, and then offer her some opium as an ice breaker, then the real conversation and romance is possible over wonderful addiction time. Candles, music, food, and attraction are optional of course. {laughing}

Yours truly,

Ana said...

Great Stan!
The opium is good! I just need something to make him sleep profoundly by the time I take Seroquel.
You know that it's almost impossible to wake up after taking this.
So I believe I'll have to have some Rohipnol around to make him sleep profoundly!

susan said...

Morning Ana,

Missed this the other day when you posted, better late than never, eh?

i don't talk about my meds, but disclosing mental health is an issue.... and one that should be written more about and discussed imho.

Regarding first date, never, never never. So many first and second dates don't work out, for a myriad of reasons,why discuss this?"

I have disclosed this only after a while, when I feel/felt comfortable, and was confident enough that if i disclose, and he left, it wasn't anything personal and his loss.

I cannot tell you how many prospective men have walked away when this subject came up. First the excuse was "I cannot have a child with you, if this is hereditary", and then it's just too much of a deal breaker.

Even the ex, who was thrilled initially with the diagnosis, and married me because of it, left at the end when he got manic and in my desperate attempt to bring him out of mania where he thought he was the next incarnation of JC (the big guy you see from your dwelling place), I got so depressed, he said it was marital cruelty to live with a depressed person, he deserved better and left me holding the bag for all his bills and told me he wanted a divorce but would not pay for it, so I had to go into my life savings and pay quite a lot for an annulment.

I don't know if I would ever date another bipolar based on this either, but I don't know.

It is a topic worth exploring.

Thank you for letting me vent, you are a great person, and I truly hope you will find someone wonderful to share both your life with , as well as Nell's.

Susan S.

Ana said...

Your ex-husband is stupid and have no character.
I don't think that it's because he is bipolar that he did what he did.
My ex is a wonderful person and is bipolar.
He has his ups and downs but he is honored, clever blah, blah, blah...
I believe the misfortune is that I was beside him during 1 year of depression and during his first manic episode.
It was hard for both of us and I would never leave him because of this. He decided to go after coming coming out of the hospital.
I believe it was too hard for him to face me after all this.
He got married and has a son.
Relationships are hard.
You can see around you and many people are alone.
Bipolar or not, I see plenty of people trying to find someone.
I believe if a person is not capable of understanding it even if I didn't take these drugs I would not want this person around me sharing my intimacy, my happiness, my sadness, my anything.
It only shows that this person doesn't understand human condition, have no sensitivity and a lot of things I believe are basics.
I believe we should talk about it more because we are talking about stigma and other important issues.

soulful sepulcher said...

I think loving people for who they are is what matters. (hugs)

Ana said...

Isn't it what love is all about?

soulful sepulcher said...

yes it is :)

Ana said...


Immi said...

I'm behind here, but first date? Assuming you don't tell the world at large, no. No more than you'd need to tell them you take flexeril sometimes for the pinched nerve or that you have a chronically ingrown toenail.

Ana said...

I bet that when the time comes to tell you will hear:
"-I take Klonopin and Zoloft! Do you think I should change for Effexor in other to facilitate or do you prefer changing to Zoloft? I can start taking Seroquel just for sympathy, my love!"

Mark p.s.2 said...

I commented this on Giannas blog the same day.October 23, 2008
"First impressions are important. Once a person knows you, knows your emotional and intelectual responses in a regular meeting or conversation, then I think it is safe to tell of a history of mental illness."
Is what I wrote.

Ana said...

Thank you Mark!
I didn't know Gianna was on the same page. I agree with you.
I like to see you at FS.

Stan said...

Dearest Ana:

Not that every women isn't crazy! I'm sure that's a verified fact by now within the scientific world and community {laughing}. But in the real world, I could pick out a bipolar or major mental health condition within five minutes of the opening conversation. It's wouldn't matter if we were talking about boats or peanut butter; I would evaluate and know it without much doubt or question. But then I'm insane and loony toons; so I know all the signs and tells {laughing}; Plus I have my secret bipolar decoder mood ring to help. Dating is like playing Russian roulette with every chamber loaded anywise. I always make sure they go first {Smirk}.


Ana said...

Dating a bipolar doesn't scary me.
I've seen same very bad things among the "normals".
Perhaps it's time to choose a schizophrenics.
The thing is, I've already noticed that character and personality is the same whether the person is crazy or not.