Friday, September 26, 2008

To the amazing person I met today and is depressed

Today I went to get prescriptions to buy the drugs I have to take due to withdrawal problems. I've met a wonderful person who is fighting depression since 2005.
This person shared with me some sorrows and there comes again that feeling of impotence. I wish I could be a therapist but I don't think I can because it's very hard for me to keep distance from people's sufferings. I feel like crying. Can you imagine your therapist starting to cry with you?
I told this person about my blog and the wonderful people I met because of this blog.
So my dear new friend, if you come here when you feel a little relief I want you to know that I care a lot about you and I have an idea about your feelings.
We all feel alone when depressed. There are many people like you blogging and finding support meeting other blogger buddies.
You know my real name and my face. You can see here that my identity is not revealed.
Many people do the same. This is part of the stigma we share.
If you feel like doing a blog you can write about whatever you want and not write whenever you want.
You told me that you're hating Brazilian's sun.
You can write about it... or not.
I just want to tell you that I know the wonderful person you are and I know all the power you have. And once again: don't feel guilty about being depressed. The person you are is trying hard to conquer but unfortunately depression wins. Cry and do what you can because you will find your way. Not tomorrow, not next week but little by little.
You'll be in my prayers.


Clueless said...

Oh, I hope they find the blogsphere and that it will be helpful and not hurtful or harmful.

You are just so sweet Ana. To be a therapist or working with people with problems in general, you have to be able to develop a "professional emotional distance" and at the same time be attuned, empathic and caring.

It is okay for your therapist to cry or tear up at times. They are human too, but not if they require you to comfort them. Mine tears up sometimes because he has empathy regarding the pain of the things that happened in my life and he cares. But, he tells me it makes him sad or angry and I tell him how I feel. But we have also know each other for more than 20 years. A new therapist doing this...time to run fast!!! They have unresolved issues.

Ana said...

I can keep distance only when I haven't felt the problem myself.
I talk to some people on this mental institution that are really sick and perhaps will stay for the rest of their lives there beause they have no family and are poor.
I can talk to them much more easily than with people who are suffering what I know.
I'm very happy to know that you're therapist shows his feelings sometimes.
Mine only once could not restraint herself on a day I was crying and for the first and unique time I've leaned on the sofa and cried a lot.
She stood up and caressed my hair comforting me. It's was only after 10 years of therapy.
I will never forget it. I believe I have to tell her about it.
Yesterday I could not help myself and put my hand on this person head very quickly for two times.
I don't know if I have the strength to be a therapist but as "I've been there" I have something telling me that I could help and every time I feel empathy with some people that is feeling the way this person is I ask myself: "why not?; you understand what this person is feeling; you can help".
Yes! Time runs fast on therapy.
It's been 20 years and I still cannot say to her that perhaps we have finished.
It's been a long time I don't go to see her but I haven't the guts to end it.
I don't even think it ends. But it comes a time when you don't need it that badly and you're able to manage your problems.
Thank you Clueless.
It was of great help hearing your relationship with your therapist.

Clueless said...

You are welcome. I believe that healing is a process and that we are always in process. But, there comes a point where we can stand on our own and things don't interfere with our daily activities anymore.

I know as a social worker, I was tough when I needed to set limits, but I was oh, so soft when it was needed. And, I knew when I was being manipulated. Setting limits sometimes was tough on my heart, but I knew it was for the best. Not being a parent, I think though that it might be a little like that. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

take care,

Ana said...

you are right about healing being a process.
I believe that your work must have affected some people's life without you knowing.
You're brilliant understanding it all. But... emotions always win.
I remember the terrible days when "reason" was seeing all of that and blamed me or even felt worry that emotion was so strong.
Take care (((((Clueless)))))
Thank you very much!

Stan said...

Dearest Ana:

Don't fret or worry about that therapist thing; I have had them cry, hide under thier desk, call me at night seeking my help for thier problems. I guess they are just people too, when it comes right down to it. but then I am kind of one of those tough nuts to crack if you know what I mean.

Hang in there (make sure to leave extra length to rope for safety {laughing}). You are the trifecta of persona in this blog pony/horse race; cared about, appreciated, and loved here in and out this bloggery world. I'm one of your most ardent blog buddies.

Yours Truly,

Ana said...

Thank you Stan.
You're quite a man and I admire you a lot!
I believe you know how much I care and appreciate you.
Most ardent blog buddies? I don't want any trouble with PreciousRock.{laughing}
Yours truly

2007 my life ends said...

I can't imagine being in the place I am for another day. As soon as I clear my name I really won't have much else to keep me going. I don't think it's good to be bot depressed and angry, especially the type of anger I'm dealing with. I have an almost constant headache.

Ana said...

I think that you left here a cry for help.
You can join this wonderful people in the virtual world.
Try to exchange ideas and share your sorrows.
Take care.