"Drug-induced suicide ideation should be explained by those who are in charge of taking care of heath. However little is said about this fact that has been experienced by many people. I'm reposting it because some people can doubt that what they are feeling is really drug-induced.
There is a huge difference between wanting to die and just the act of killing oneself that is planted in the mind when we are dealing with drug-induced suicidal ideation. Trust your instincts and, please, search for help if you feel you are suicidal because of an antidepressant or any other drug.
This is my experience and I only published to make others understand that drug-induced suicidal ideation is REAL!I didn't write about the second because it is too hard.
"One of the strange feelings when someone or something do you harm is the mixture of feelings you have towards yourself. You feel as if it was your fault and you feel ashamed to tell others what has happened. Of course there is anger towards what did you harm but it's usual that people don't tell others about it.
We remain silent and hoping that someone else suffers the same and have the guts to tell others.
I said that I had suicidal ideation while tapering Effexor. What I didn't say is that I've tried to kill myself twice. I thought about it on a wide scale of degrees. Four times it was very hard to cope with it and for two times I've tried.
I'll tell you about one of these times.
I was in a normal day, tapering Effexor. All of a sudden, an idea was planted in my brain: "-I have to kill myself." Just like that. Unexpectedly, no reason for it, I was happy and then this idea appeared.
You don't think about anything else. You only think that you have to kill yourself. I wrote some notes for four people, and was thinking at the back of my mind: "-This is withdrawal, this is withdrawal, this is withdrawal…; call your therapist, call a friend, do something!"
Strangely enough you don't call anybody. You do not care. All you have to do is… kill yourself.
I have a dog. So I could not do anything at home for I could not harm her or make something that could kill her, like gas - my second attempt was with gas -, and you keep on wandering how are you going to do it without making any fuss and avoiding the scandal of being found dead in your place. Good, at least there's room to think about a dignified exit!
I had many samples of psychiatric drugs, drugs that I tried, and, at the forth pill had to stop… I had an arsenal of psychiatric drugs of many kinds.
Therefore, I took them all and put them in two bottles of Depakote - by that time it was sold in bottles not in blister. "-It's withdrawal, it's withdrawal, it's withdrawal… do something; call someone; call your therapist, please!" "-Nope! I have to kill myself."
I've phoned a hotel and ask for a bedroom. I've dressed myself with care and took a big bag pretending to be coming from a near town. I have put some clothes in this bag and a bottle of Jack Daniels to have the pills, Rohypnol was in the cocktail which is very helpful and was once used by the site Exit . They used to sell a packed for those who wanted to do euthanasia and I've discovered that one of the three items was Rohypnol. They are back now but with another proposal.
"-It's withdrawal, it's withdrawal, it's withdrawal… do something; call someone; call your therapist, please!" "-Nope! I have to kill myself."
It was 9 pm. I went away from my building, took a cab, and told the driver to go to the hotel. He left me there.
When I was in front of the hotel, I felt thirsty and did not want to appear as if I was out of my mind. I went to a place and asked for a bottle of water.
I thought that the man could not hear me. By miracle, he gave me the bottle of water. I took it and, miracle, I've paid for this and he smiled at me. He smiled at me!
So people could see me! "-It's withdrawal, it's withdrawal, it's withdrawal… do something; call someone; call your therapist, please…
Isn't it good!
I'm alive! I started walking. I've walked, walked, walked, and started to sweat.
Nice feeling! I was sweating and feeling all my body, my legs, my arms, my head, my hands, my toes…
"-It's withdrawal, it's withdrawal, it's withdrawal…"
What am I doing here? Why will I kill myself? I don't want to kill myself.
My dog is home! She must be feeling sad. I have to go back home to see her and call my friends and family."
"I want to thank Charles Medawar, SocialAudit. There was a man on his site whose nick was "Anon". He helped everybody and one of the things I've remembered was he saying that we should never become a statistics and if we killed ourselves "they" were winning another time.
He said other valuable things that was on my mind beside the "-It's withdrawal..."
Fortunately I don't remember anymore and I'm glad to be able to talk about it without crying and now I am feeling that it's in the past.
The only thing I fear is that even spending 19 months tapering Efexor when I reached the end of the process I felt so bad that I had to go back to the drug.
I'll talk about it later.
If I miss I pill I have nightmares. I fear missing the amount of dose and feel it again.
You can see that it's very easy to kill me if someone has the intention.
I also lost my freedom because I cannot make a trip or go anywhere without Effexor in my purse."
Update January, 6, 2011
I forgot to post about some violent behavior I had at that time. I wrote about my experiences at the first year I was blogging.
I don't feel like writing about it any longer. But I will do it if it helps people.
But those who come to this blog already know. So, it is almost useless. I gave up trying to raise awareness.
I'm trying to catch attention of those who profit from all of this.
YOU ALL BELONG TO JAIL!!!!!!!!
1 day ago
Posts
5 comments:
Hello, Ana,
Please consider the possibility that withdrawal from an antidepressant may reveal that damage has been done to the ear by the drug. Whatever else they may do to the brain, antidepressants appear also to harm the ear.
Very specific audio-processing deficits are associated with suicidal depression. It seems likely that SSRIs and other psychoactive drugs harm the middle ear in such a way as to cause those audio-processing deficits because suicidal ideation and behaviour is a frequent symptom of withdrawal and residually. I have analyzed the symptoms of 107 such people and found support for that idea.
A French doctor, Guy Berard, was able to heal most of his suicidally depressed patients with high-frequency sound. Such treatment is available at Tomatis Method centres. While I do not give medical advice, I have noticed that using headphones to listen to high-frequency music can combat depression. You can read more about the ears and mental health at my blog http://northernlightbooks.ca/MentalHealththroughMusic. Please do not try to deal with your suicidal thoughts and behaviour alone.!!! Have your hearing tested, too. The audio processing deficit for suicidal depression is at 2 and 8 kHz in either ear. Those deficits can be healed by exposing the ear to those frequencies; if you do not have Tomatis or Berard AIT practitioners where you live, you can listen to classical violin music through headphones while you are looking for an ear specialist who can help you. Please do NOT DELAY in getting help. Email me if you would like more information.
Laurna
Thank you very much Laurna.
It happened years ago during my withdrawal.
I wrote it to make people aware about drug-induce suicidal ideation.
The thing is that it appears in your mind very suddenly and you only think that you have to kill yourself.
Very different about: "I feel like dying cause life makes no sense or the numerous problems of life."
I have tinnitus as many people who take these drugs.
Drug-induced suicide or violent behavior should be explained at the TV but they prefer to advertise Prozac and all the others...
I'll visit your blog.
Thank you.
During depression I think that people don't feel like or not respond to music.
I will visit your blog.
Good job!
Hello, Ana,
Thank you so much for writing to me!
I am glad to know your struggle in withdrawal is over and happened long ago.
In my writing about listening to music, I am not talking about the way most people who like music listen to it to enjoy it or to feel better! You are right that depressed people often do not want to listen to music. That is because there is something wrong with their ears. They cannot process sound of particular frequencies – sound of 2,000 and 8,000 Hertz. For some people with these ear problems, listening to music actually causes pain.
However, listening to music with headphones can focus high-frequency sound onto the eardrum so that the middle ear muscle will be healed and the pain will stop. At first, that listening may not feel pleasant to the depressed person, but it can heal the ear and take away the depression. Healing takes place as the tiny muscle in the ear is exercised and becomes stronger.
The research of the French specialist Dr. Guy Bérard shows that suicidal depression occurs when a person has a very specific inability to hear sound of certain frequencies. This is not overall deafness. It is a particular kind of hearing problem. He healed the ears of most of his suicidal patients and they stopped having suicidal thoughts and behaviour. They were NOT suicidal because of circumstances. They were suicidal because their middle ear had somehow been damaged.
It is possible that NO ONE is suicidal because of circumstances, but because the ear does not process sound normally and that does not allow them to cope with circumstances the way most other people can.
It also is possible that people experiencing suicidal depression as a result of drug withdrawal have those same audio-processing deficits at 2,000 and 8,000 Hertz from the drugs as Berard's patients had. such people also may have had similar audio-processing deficits before they took medication that were the cause of the behaviour and feelings for which the drugs were prescribed. Sound – music – can heal many of those conditions. In fact, music used that way healed our son’s schizophrenia, my chronic fatigue, our son’s dyslexia. Basically, sound changes behaviour; by stimulating the ear you are getting more energy to the brain. My writing shows that many thousands of people have been healed of unusual behaviour by listening to high-frequency sound: the music of Mozart and other music with violins.
My hope is that people who may have ear damage and don’t know about it will get their ears tested to find out if they cannot hear sounds of specific frequencies. If they do have audio-processing problems, listening to music that contains those frequencies may heal the ear and change their feelings and behaviour.
Your blog is very important! Drugs are doing terrible damage to people and ruining their lives. I want people to know that sometimes, as with my son, that drug damage can be healed by listening to the music of violins.
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my experience and hope here!
Laurna
Laurna,
Thank you for exposing your hypothesis.
I don't think you did read what I wrote. No. I didn't quit Effexor.
Anyway... I listen to music and use headset.
I have never been depressed. I was put on drugs because of many mistakes.
What do you think about Traci Johnson a healthy 19 years-old girl who hanged herself at Eli-Lilly facilities?
She was not depressed, she went to test Cymbalta for urinary incontinence to make some money.
She hanged herself.
Many people are being prescribed SSRIs not because of depression but for headache, divorce, lost of job and so on.
I'm sorry but I don't think that there is only one answer for all the problems SSRIs are causing.
What about PSSD?
People are reporting not having sexual fantasies any more.
It is so true that a psychiatrist suggested to give SSRIs to sexual offenders.
You could suggest Gianna Kali to listen to violins.
This woman, who wrote all her story at the blog Beyond Meds, is having serious problems after quitting the drugs.
Healing drug damages by listening to violins? That the harm that was done to the ear can be treated with music?
It is already known that it affects the ear and this one in many, many problems.
Sorry but I can consider it as one way to help, a coping strategy but healing? This is too much.
"It is possible that NO ONE is suicidal because of circumstances, but because the ear does not process sound normally and that does not allow them to cope with circumstances the way most other people can."
Instead of blaming the chemical imbalance let's blame not being capable of hearing.
You say "circumstances" and sometimes people take their life although there is nothing wrong according to other's people view but because of traumas and ontological and existential problems.
Science is doing a terrible job in forgetting to think about humanity.
Claiming that something is damaged in the ears is oversimplifying and I'm sorry it sounds like another crazy theory that don't take into consideration human condition.
Post a Comment