Some events of our lives, good or bad, will always be remembered with the same emotion.
I’ve spent three days without sleeping.
On the third day I felt terrible. If I spend 1 day without sleeping I feel as if I was drunk. I don’t function normally and with all my energy.
So I went to see the psychiatrist. I was crying and feeling terrible. He looked at me and said “-You have to be hospitalized. I’ll try to find a bed for you.”
He didn’t say why I had to be on that place. He just said I had to spend 3 days there. I’ve said I had a dog… lol as if he cares.
He finally found the bed and I was taken to the ward by a nurse. I don’t mind and have good relations with people who are in mental institutions. They talked to me with respect and asked “-What are you doing here? What’s your disease?”
I don’t know.
I smoke and after 20 minutes I felt like having coffee. I went to the door that separates normal people from crazy ones and it was half opened.
I asked with a calm voice: “-I would like to have a coffee.”
There were two people who were sat with their back towards me. They didn’t reply.
I asked again, and again. They didn’t even look back. I started to feel nervous and angry. I said in a louder voice: “-I want to have some coffee.” No reply.
They talked to each other and it seems to me that they were saying something like “-These crazy people are such a bore!” I started to hit the steal door with my ring and I said that I wanted to have a coffee…
It was when one of them said; “-You cannot go out. You’re an intern now.”
I beg your pardon! ?
I hadn’t signed anything claiming I wanted volunteered psychiatrist treatment. I started screaming that I wanted to have the coffee.
All of a sudden a woman appeared. She was a giant for me. She restrained me from my back. I said: “-Wait! I’m not crazy and I’m here…” not a good sentence when you’re on a mental institution ward. A patient said: “-They want to use her as a guinea-pig!” I remember it quite clearly, even the voice. She saved me! Also my dog for I kept remembering she was alone.
So I said I wanted to talk to the psychiatrist that had made a questionnaire after I was put on this ward. She had asked me if I… heard voices. That was the first and only time a psychiatrist asked me this question and it gave me the exact measure on how these psychiatrists knowsnothing about anything. You can tell by a person way of expressing and so many other signs whether the person is a psychotic or a neurotic. I can tell! How can it be that a psychiatrist cannot distinguish after years working with these diseases? I can even tell when someone is playing crazy. Yep! There are people on this street that behaves as if they were crazy because of the two mental hospitals we have here. They do it to ask for money.
After the giant finally stopped restraining me – I can tell you that it’s one of the most invasive ways to treat anyone and you feel terrible, you feel as if you are nothing - I’ve got my cell phone and said I was going to call my lawyer.
After three minutes the psychiatrist who asked me if I hear voices appeared and I told her I wanted to get out of that place.
She said supper was on the way and I don’t remember what else for the door was opened and I went straight home.
I’ve cried, and I’ve cried and I’ve cried… This is such a terrible experience to be restrained. Jesus! If they did it to me because I asked to have a coffee I cannot imagine how they treat people who are passing trough a crisis.
The psychiatrist who told me I had to stay there didn’t appear. I met him for a second time after being put on the ward.
He told me: “-you’ll have to stay here for 2 months.”
I beg your pardon! ? Wasn’t it 3 days?
I took my old prescription and things got back to normal. I slept and felt fine again.
I still see this psychiatrist and I never asked him about it all. I’ve just talked to him when I was feeling fine and went to talk to the psychiatrist who asked me if I hear voices.
I acted like a lunatic. I told her I hadn’t signed anything; and the whole thing was a bad use of power;… I don’t remember…; told the parent with a daughter to be careful with that hospital because… I was very angry to be in a mental institution…. and she got nervous because she knew that it was a huge… mistake? Can we say it is a mistake?
The next section I reported the psychiatrist who had the brilliant idea to put me there. He apologized. At least he apologized.
But I have no idea why all this has happened and it makes me wonder what happen to those people I use to visit on this ward when they are not having sun.
I’ve reported it to the government.
Of course I’ve got no reply."
Image: Street art by Vinchen
Sorry about the grammar errors. It is very difficult for me to write about these events even in my own language although I'm a good writer and have already published reviews at newspapers. But these events are too hard for me to write. I still didn't write about something I must since the beginning of this blog. I prefer to talk about them aloud but nobody wants to listen. Therapy is done orally and because when writing one has to think differently.
I also made some comments in blogs that are disastrous. I only use "and"... and"... or write one sentence after another. I'm sure it is the source of some smiles... A good effect!