Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas and a great 2012 for all of us!

A new therapy is born: the doorway therapy

I did read this study by Professor Gabriel Radvansky about the hypothesis that when we pass through a doorway we have memory lapses.

"Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized."

I tend to see these hypotheses and their experiments as funny after studying treatments and therapies that don't work or are based on wrong theories, and I cannot help thinking that a new therapy is born: the patient that suffers from a trauma will pass through X number of doorways and will be healed.
The number of doorways will be stipulated after some experiments but we can already give a chart:

- trauma caused by divorce: 10 doorways a day for a period of three months;

- trauma caused by lost job: 5 doorways a day for a period of one month because if one is traumatized by job problems in a era where there are no jobs it makes no sense;

- trauma caused by child abuse: depends on the age of the person but usually 50 doorways a day for two years;

- trauma caused by being in the battlefield: same as for child abuse.

If you have any doubt or want to make your own schedule please contact Dr Embromation Schapiro, M.D., PhD, member of APA, AMA, AACAP, FDA and shareholder of many labs, by sending an e-mail to embromation@hotmail. com but don't forget to take your pills.

Please don't insist: WE DON'T OFFER COMPLETE AMNESIA.

I'm still here and will never leave

I'm here, I'll always be here.
Although I'm not publishing at this blog at the other I'm dealing with issues that raise awareness about subjects that help people see how corporations are destroying lives and also writing about the pharmaceutical industries like this post about the harms of Ritalin.

I found this video with a great performance of "Jeremy" a song that touches many hearts.

It must be the third time this song is at this blog and it is also at the other.

"I don't need love, I don't need no mom and dad."

This is what those who don't have parents, or have them as kind of enemies, try to say to themselves to get stronger.

Inside the eternal scream: "Monnnnnn!"

Telepsychiatry: get your psychiatric medicine by call-center

Telepsychiatry is here to solve the bureaucracy of getting a prescription:

This is the greatest example to expose how psychiatry is being done.

Why go to your doctor to get a prescription?
They prescribe in 15 minutes the first time and the other consultations are done in five minutes, time to say "How you're doing"/ "Fine."/ "Need prescription of what medicines?"/ "Seroquel, Paxil, Geodon/Abilify/Klonopin and Cymbalta" / he writes... "Here they are, see you next month!" "Bye"
Do it by phone!

"Our focus is on Prevention. We look for patterns, predict relapse before it happens, and reduce harm. Our goal is to significantly reduce the need for psychiatric hospitalization. We believe that if you can get high quality psychiatrists on staff quickly and have patients seen quickly, then you avoid gaps in medication management appointments and gaps in medication refills thereby reducing the risk of decompensation. Our goal is to focus on preventing a crisis." (emphasis added)

How do I request an appointment?
The initial appointment is free and consists of approximately five to ten minutes. The first few mintues are simply to check for technical difficulties with the telconferencing (sic) interface. Then you have a few minutes to ask the doctor questions about training and experience, and the doctor has a few minutes to ask you about your mental health needs. Then you and the doctor can decide if you think there could be a good "fit" and the decision can be made to either proceed with booking a full intake evaluation or to refer you to other resources. At present, the majority of our doctors restrict themselves to managing medication and providing brief supportive psychotherapy. (emphasis added)

Drs Schaeffer and Blumenfield have extensive experience in psychotherapy and do take non-medication patients. However, psychiatrists have more training and therefore charge more for services than would a family therapist or a psychologist. It is our goal to help you in the best way possible, and therefore, if during the initial converstation (sic) it is determined that you can have your needs met through a less expensive means, then that will be the recommendation.

On the form below, please provide the days and times that work best for you for appointments and the best times to call you to set up an appointment. In the "Purpose of the Appointment" section, please provide a brief summary of the reason you are seeking psychiatric care and also provide the full name and phone number of your Primary Care Physician. You must indicate if you will be using a PC or a Mac computer to do the teleconferencing. For an appointment, you can also contact us toll free at 1-888-542-2103 (staff is available 24/7/36).

Testimonial
“That was awesome!” 12 year old patient upon exiting his first telepsychiatry visit—Fresno, CA. (emphasis added)

Perfect! This is what psychiatry really is: giving patients the pills that don't help. Period. The Irony is that the site was created by
© California Telepsychiatrists

This website was created using MyBusiness Site.

Check the My Business Site. It should be laughable if the lives of people weren't at stake.

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I am still here

I just want to say that although I'm not publishing at this blog I'm here and will always be. 

Tim Pawlenty, the governor that is in favor of forced ECT, will not run for presidency

It is a relief knowing that Tim Pawlenty ended his campaign for presidency of USA.  On January, 2009 I received an e-mail, a call for action, to write to the Minnesota Governor to help stopping the forced electroshock Ray Sandford was receiving. I e-mailed him and many bloggers did the same.
After a long struggle Mindfreedom succeed and Ray Sandford is not ruining his mind and body anymore so that others make money, of course, without the help of Timmy.
The number of Americans that are already on drugs is appalling and it would be terrible if someone  that has so little respect for the suffering of those who he represents were a candidate for presidency.
I wrote posts about Ray Sandford but Mindfreedom said it all:

Governor Tim Pawlenty

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty could at least express concern about the ongoing involuntary electroshock of Minnesota citizenRay Sandford. Hundreds of people have contacted the office of Gov. Pawlenty. Unfortunately, his office has actually supported the "safety and legality" of Ray's forced electroshock.

Name: Governor Tim Pawlenty

City/State: Saint Paul, Minnesota

Connection to Ray's case: Governor Pawlenty could at least express concern about Ray's situation, and call for legislation to prevent this kind of abuse in the future. Instead, Governor Pawlenty's office has endorsed Ray's ongoing involuntary electroshock as safe and legal.

Governor Pawlenty has made a name for himself nationally, because of his support and leadership of Republican party values such as keeping a small government, not wasting taxpayer money and respecting the empowerment of citizens. 

Yet, in Ray's case, the Governor apparently supports spending thousands upon thousands of dollars of taxpayer money for the ongoing torture of a citizen, a torture that is even worse than waterboarding, which was supported by President Bush (shown here on right shaking hands with Gov.Pawlenty). Wateboarding, a form of CIA torture, usually does not result in brain damage, but electroshock can and does.

Public position on Ray Sandford's forced outpatient electroshock: Public relations office for Governor Pawlenty said they had looked into Ray's forced electroshock, and it was "safe and legal."

Public position in general on outpatient involuntary electroshock over expressed wishes of subject: Apparently supports taxpayer money going to forced electroshock. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: MindFreedom and Ray endorse nonviolence principles. Even if an individual or agency opposes Ray's human rights, MindFreedom and Ray ask that any communication be civil. 

Safe Mr. Pawlenty? If you feel down because your didn't succeed try it. It is safe and legal at your state. 

Call for action: Sign petition to prevent US compulsory prescription of psychiatric drug to children

Founded in 2002 by former president Bush The New Freedom Commission on Mental Health was supposed to "...promote successful community integration for adults with a serious mental illness and children with a serious emotional disturbance." as it is at the commission's site.
But this is one of the health politics this commission propose:
The Ron Paul Parental Consent Act


"The New Freedom Commission on Mental Health has recommended that the federal and state governments work toward the implementation of a comprehensive system of mental-health screening for all Americans. The commission recommends that universal or mandatory mental-health screening first be implemented in public schools as a prelude to expanding it to the general public. However, neither the commission's report nor any related mental-health screening proposal requires parental consent before a child is subjected to mental-health screening. Federally-funded universal or mandatory mental-health screening in schools without parental consent could lead to labeling more children as "ADD" or "hyperactive" and thus force more children to take psychotropic drugs, such as Ritalin, against their parents' wishes.

Already, too many children are suffering from being prescribed psychotropic drugs for nothing more than children's typical rambunctious behavior. According to Medco Health Solutions, more than 2.2 million children are receiving more than one psychotropic drug at one time. In fact, according to Medico Trends, in 2003, total spending on psychiatric drugs for children exceeded spending on antibiotics or asthma medication.

Many children have suffered harmful side effects from using psychotropic drugs. Some of the possible side effects include mania, violence, dependence, and weight gain. Yet, parents are already being threatened with child abuse charges if they resist efforts to drug their children. Imagine how much easier it will be to drug children against their parents' wishes if a federally-funded mental-health screener makes the recommendation.

Universal or mandatory mental-health screening could also provide a justification for stigmatizing children from families that support traditional values. Even the authors of mental-health diagnosis manuals admit that mental-health diagnoses are subjective and based on social constructions. Therefore, it is all too easy for a psychiatrist to label a person's disagreement with the psychiatrist's political beliefs a mental disorder. For example, a federally-funded school violence prevention program lists "intolerance" as a mental problem that may lead to school violence. Because "intolerance" is often a code word for believing in traditional values, children who share their parents' values could be labeled as having mental problems and a risk of causing violence. If the mandatory mental-health screening program applies to adults, everyone who believes in traditional values could have his or her beliefs stigmatized as a sign of a mental disorder. Taxpayer dollars should not support programs that may label those who adhere to traditional values as having a "mental disorder." 


This is from the petition congressman Ron Paul wrote explaining very well the absurd.


What The New Freedom Commission on Mental Health is proposing, and is already being done, is nonsense for many reasons and one of them is the impossibility of diagnosing mental disease by any physical or psychological test or by taking a quick look at a person.
Surely the US government will not spend loads of money to have groups of psychiatrists being at schools all over US for at least six months observing the behavior of each child. How will these screenings will be accurate?
What they really want is to put more children taking Ritalin and other psychiatric drugs whose harms are explained at the petition.
What they want is prescribing drugs to healthy children but they have to pretend that these children were diagnosed and as in psychiatry nothing is detectable easily, worse, any behavior can be considered abnormal, even excess of happiness or mild happiness, "Let's drug them. We want the money."
Sometimes I think that some of the mental health politics being done by USA government with the help of the corporate-elite that is ruling the world, and they affect the world, makes US eugenicists, that inspired Hitler, look like philanthropists. And if we go back in history in 1926 the Rockefeller Foundation has donated money for the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute for Psychiatry which was a great help in the construction of facilities to the "scientific experiments" done by Nazi scientists.  
Funny that they started by killed those who were considered mentally ill.
This is unacceptable.
Sign the petition HERE

Nazi propaganda for their compulsory euthanasia" program: 

"This person suffering from hereditary defects costs the community 60,000 Reichsmark during his lifetime. Fellow German, that is your money, too."

.

Let's lobby! We don't need bribing

I just came across with this definition of lobbyist and felt like sharing:

"A lobbyist is an activist usually paid by an interest group to promote their positions to legislatures. A lobbyist can also work to change public opinion through advertising campaigns or by influencing 'opinion leaders' or pundits, thereby creating a climate for the change his or her employer desires. The word lobbyist comes from the chambers in which the act of lobbying usually takes place, an anteroom near legislative bodies, for instance, or even the lobby of hotels where important people are staying. In American politics, most lobbyist organizations are headquartered on or near K Street in Washington DC, so "K Street" has become somewhat synonymous for lobbying. (emphasis mine)
It is very easy for a lobbyist to stray into bribery -- the most direct way to influence legislation, obviously, is to bribe enough law makers to ensure that the bill you support passes. Therefore, lobbying is heavily regulated. Of course, a lobbyist rarely makes the news unless he or she has transgressed the regulations, and as a result, 'lobbyist' has rather negative connotations these days. Measures to control the influence of lobbyists include campaign finance reforms, often promised but rarely passed. "(emphasis mine)

I never thought I would see activist and lobby at the same sentence but lobbying is heavily regulated is too funny. Clicking at the image or the link below is a glimpse of the reality:

Internal Memo Confirms Big Giveaways In White House Deal With Big Pharma

Harvard psychiatrists received millions of dollars from pharmaceutical companies

Joseph Biederman

Via Nature News Blog:
Harvard scientists disciplined for not declaring ties to drug companies - July 04, 2011


Posted on behalf of Penny Sarchet.


Three US psychiatrists, responsible for trailblazing the use of antipsychotic drugs in children, are facing sanctions for their failure to declare their acceptance of millions of dollars from pharmaceutical companies between 2000 and 2007.


Joseph Biederman, Thomas Spencer and Timothy Wilens, child psychiatrists at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, were first identified three years ago in an investigation led by Iowa Republican Senator Charles Grassley as failing to disclose potential conflicts of interests that could have arisen due to payments from pharmaceutical companies.


Biederman had pioneered the diagnosis of bipolar disorder in children and adolescents, a disorder previously thought to affect only adults. One of the world’s most influential child psychiatrists, Biederman’s work led to a 40-fold increase in paediatric bipolar disorder diagnoses and an accompanying expansion in the use of antipsychotic drugs – developed to treat schizophrenia and not originally approved for use in children – to treat the condition.


However, Biederman and his colleagues Spencer and Wilens failed to accurately disclose the large consultancy fees they were receiving from pharmaceutical companies that make antipsychotics whilst conducting this research. At the time, Harvard and Mass. General rules forbade researchers from running trials of drugs that were made by companies paying them more than $10,000 a year, whilst National Institutes of Health regulations stipulated that grant recipients report any payments from pharmaceutical companies above this value to their universities.


Grassley revealed the trio’s misconduct in 2008, following his high-profile investigation of the psychiatrist Charles Nemeroff, and the three eventually admitted to receiving a combined total of $4.2 million from drug companies. The large number of psychiatrists investigated by Grassley’s probe poses the question of whether this field is more susceptible to competing interests or, as some suggest, suffers from higher scrutiny due to prejudices against psychiatry.


The Massachusetts General Hospital announced last Friday that it had completed its review of Biederman, Spencer and Wilens, and that “appropriate remedial actions” were being taken. In a letter to their colleagues, the three scientists explained that they were banned from participating in “industry-sponsored outside activities” for one year, to be followed by a two-year period of close monitoring and a delay in consideration for promotion.


The NIH relies upon research institutions themselves to monitor the interests of researchers and universities do this by requesting academics to voluntarily declare conflicts. The three Harvard scientists, who failed to report the full extent of their industrial payments, say that their collective misconduct was an honest mistake and that they had always believed that they were “complying in good faith with institutional policies”.


Last month, Pfizer announced its new collaborations with eight Boston research facilities. Cooperative efforts between academia and industry are on the rise as both face pressures to cut costs and it is hoped that by brokering more formal research agreements and paying money to institutions rather than individuals, conflicts of interests can be avoided.


Meanwhile, Grassley continues to push forward the Physician Payment Sunshine Act, which would require organisations to report all cumulative payments over $100,000 to physicians to the government. Each violation of the law would  warrant a fine between 10,000 – 100,000 dollars - a punishment somewhat more severe than that faced by Biederman and his colleagues.

PsychCentral's Dr Rick Nauert writes article about drug that erases bad memories

I never go to PsychCentral and I'm amazed by some of their articles totally pro-Pharmas. Again Dr Rick Nauert writing about a miracle drug that... erases bad memories! OMG! This is just like finding the source of happiness.
Look at the article here:

The Drug Metyrapone to Erase Bad Memories?

By RICK NAUERT PHD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on May 27, 2011

University of Montreal researchers say that the drug metyrapone reduces the brain’s ability to re-record the negative emotions associated with painful memories. In other words, bad memories are effectively blocked from being recalled or remembered.
The team’s study challenges the theory that memories cannot be modified once they are stored in the brain.
“Metyrapone is a drug that significantly decreases the levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that is involved in memory recall,” explained lead author Marie-France Marin, a doctoral student.
Manipulating cortisol close to the time of forming new memories can decrease the negative emotions that may be associated with them, the researchers said.
“The results show that when we decrease stress hormone levels at the time of recall of a negative event, we can impair the memory for this negative event with a long-lasting effect,” said Sonia Lupien, Ph.D., who directed the research.
Thirty-three men participated in the study, which involved learning a story composed of neutral and negative events.

(keep reading)

No thanks. I rather keep my bad memories exactly where they are because they are part of who I am.

3 years old diagnosed depressed: Psychiatrist Rick Naubert Senior News Editor of PsychCentral writes article

The article is here:

"Naturally, parents of depressed preschoolers are concerned about treatment options for their children. While antidepressants have been used with some success in the adult population, there is wide concern about whether they should be used in children, let alone children of such a young age whose brains are going through critical periods of development.

“Certainly, with kids, there are all kinds of concerns particular to their age and level of neurological and physical development when we’re talking about drug treatments,” said clinical psychologist Dr. Michael Yapko. “Despite those concerns, the Food and Drug Administration estimates that 7 percent of antidepressants are still being prescribed to children.”"

Subliminally Dr Michael shows his approval for antidepressants's use in children or he would not leave the FDA data without a comment. Or it was edited this way. "There is "a concern" it can be, not be, it depends... so, take it just in case."
Dr. Rick Naubert also send this message: "I'm so concerned with children! They might be depressed. Be careful parents. If your son/daughter is behaving... blah blah... " 
They will keep on prescribing to no matter who. We keep watching.

Talking to a transgender woman and learning about Hermaphrodite''s problems

I've published at my blog Hella Heaven a post with the talking I had with a transgender woman, I call her Cynthia,  that I've already mentioned here at this post when I first met her one year ago. She gave me  her permission to publish our conversation so I'll publish it here but this time without other considerations as I did at the other blog.
 I hope it is read by the most number of people as possible.

The talking was done at Second Life where the International Hate Crimes Memorial Project is, I'll publish pictures in another post, and was done by text. That's why it is in the format characteristically of chats-texts.

Ana: Hi Cynthia. I have joined Depression 24/7 to know what is being done at SL. It seems you have a project very interesting.
Cynthia: I do. Do you want to see?
Ana: International Hate Crimes Memorial Project
Cynthia: I’m at the memorial now, I can teleport you
Ana: I would like to know it.
Ana: I 've been in therapy for 20 years and I can help.
Ana: Thank you.
Cynthia: 20 years?
Ana: Yes.
Ana: It finished in 2008. Psychoanalysis. I'm Brazilian but I have a blog about mental health in English
Cynthia: we would love to have your help
Ana: :)
Ana: I want to help. I think that knowing what it is to be "there" can make it possible to understand.
Cynthia: most definitely
Ana: Do you know the work of David Healy?
Cynthia: refresh me?
Ana: He is a psychiatrist and has been talking about the problems of some psych-drugs.  But this is another issue.
Cynthia: not sure I’m familiar. Most of what I do in counseling, I draw from personal experience
Ana: Good! Counseling it what many people really need.
Cynthia: we could really use your help. its all volunteer- we can’t pay
Ana: At SL there are some people that I knew and helped in a way.  No. No payment. This is not what I want
Cynthia: there are so many who desperately need your help :)
Ana: I know. I know.
Cynthia: can i teleport you here to the memorial?
Ana: Yes. Please.
Cynthia: I’m not sure if it went thru the first time
Cynthia: hi - you look lovely
Ana: Thank you. This is a very nice place. Why Memorial garden?
Cynthia: I wanted to surround the memorial with a garden in honor of our fallen sisters.
Ana: fallen sisters? Sorry I fear missing something.
Cynthia: this memorial is to honor the victims of hate crimes and suicide within the trans community. The candles are men and women who could not cope with the pressures of society and took their own lives. The pillars outside contain the names of people who were murdered, for being transgender.
Ana: I see. This is a very important Memorial you created. Thank you for that.
Cynthia: It’s not entirely my creation. Gwen Collins had a major part in it- the shape of the building, the ideas; the words on the plaque- are mine
Ana: I see.
Cynthia: she made all the textures, spent endless hours, and provided a home for this memorial for 2 years
Ana: I was thinking about doing something that is very close to what you are doing.
Cynthia: I put the prims together- but it took us both to breathe life into it.
Ana: Two years?  I searched last year and didn't find it.
Cynthia: and Kara Spengler- she does most of the work in coordinating the day of remembrance event each year- i supervise
Cynthia: what terms did you use to search?
Ana: depression, bipolarity, terms related to mental problems. I only found a garden where people used to talk but I didn't find too many people.
Ana: http://justana-justana.blosgpost.com
Ana: This is my blog about mental health
Cynthia: so you found the outreach center in the search then?
Ana: I searched today and found many places. I decided to join 24/7 because there were more people and I know what is needding to talk and have nobody to talk to.
Cynthia: 24/ 7 is awesome. It’s a great resource. So are the survivors of suicide group.
Ana: I found your name there. At the IM list :)
Cynthia: :)
Ana: Saw your profile and thought you were the right person.
Cynthia: and looked in my profile?
Ana: :)
Ana: Yes.
Ana: I looked at others but only yours had what I was looking for.
Cynthia: I’m intrigued- what most attracted your attention? 
 Your groups and the Memorial at 1st life. According to your group I can see that you are committed in helping people.
Cynthia: when I'm well enough, yes :)
Ana: I know. It hurts us too.
Cynthia: i suffer from catatonic depression. Are you familiar with the disorder?
Ana: No.
Cynthia: we zone out- go somewhere else- for minutes, hours, sometimes days, in the worst cases, weeks.
Cynthia: when im lucid, I’m committed to helping others. I need to make my life worth living
Ana: Zone out you mean...
Cynthia: we go catatonic. Totally unresponsive.
Ana: I see.
Cynthia: I’ve been looking out the window- next thing I knew it was a different week and i was in a hospital bed
Ana: It must hurt too much. You are very young.
Cynthia: 30 something
Cynthia: be right back
Ana: okay.
Ana: I will get some water
Ana: There are people blogging about their problems. people who have been raped, or have bipolarity, or other problems...
Cynthia: i need to put up a poster, will you come with me to the center?
Ana: Yes.
Cynthia: this is our outreach center. It’s still under construction
Ana: I see.
Cynthia: can i ask you a personal question?
Ana: Yes. sure
Cynthia: are you transgendered?
Ana: No. But I have friends who are.
Cynthia: you have any experience working with the trans community? :)
Ana: No.
Cynthia: how do you feel about counseling transpeople?
Ana: No problem.  I don't see any difference.
Cynthia: there are some unique issues
Ana: Yes.
Cynthia: social ostracism is a big one.  people are often disowned by their families, same as with the gay community.
Ana: Yes. I know that. Depression is also a problem I believe
Cynthia: a huge problem
Ana: Being invalidated over and over again... again...
Cynthia: it’s easy to rationalize depression when you are invalidated by the mainstream media on a daily basis.
Ana: Yes. The mainstream media is doing a terrible job. They are under the laws of psychiatry that only cares about selling drugs.
Ana: They have ties with the pharmaceutical industry and they want to profit.
Ana: Don't care about patients.
Cynthia: it’s important to care about the people, not the money
Ana: Yes. But they care about the money. This is one of the reasons they try to demoralize counseling.
Cynthia: it’s the patients that are getting it the worst in terms of demoralization.
Ana: Exactly
Ana: They don't explain what depression really is and only gives medicines that... don't help.
Cynthia: im too familiar with meds that don’t help. I have samples! here!, "try this one", as if doctors get a commission off them
Ana: They do. They receive money to prescribe.
Cynthia: that’s totally wrong
Ana: Yes. But they do....
Cynthia: should be the other way
Ana: It is amazing. And there is a whole system behind it all. politicians and even FDA and WHO is profiting.
Ana: This is criminal.
Cynthia: it is. they are destroying lives
Ana: Even killing people because one of the side effects is suicide or violent behavior. This is too sad. And I get sad and angry too many times.
Cynthia: i take 2 meds. Estradiol, and spiro
Ana: I don't know them.
Cynthia: spiro is an androgen blocker. estradiol is an estrogen replacement.
Ana: I see.
Cynthia: i can’t function without them, and they help. I’d have put a bullet in my head a long time ago without them.
Ana: I'm glad to know that something is working.
Cynthia: hormones are very hard to get especially for transpeople.  They will diagnose you with everything under the sun before they call you trans.
Ana: Oh!
Cynthia: bipolar- depakote- 250 dollars a month
Cynthia: depression- lexapro- 110 dollars a month
Cynthia: hormone replacement- 25 dollars a month. lol
Ana: lol
Cynthia: I’ve had everything under the sun for depression-
Ana: You are lucky not to be taking Depakote and Lexapro. I'm very happy you are not taking them.
Cynthia: nothing worked so they decided i was bipolar, which was even more expensive. And then all kinds of pain meds. I’m immune to everything but dilaudid. And they got me hooked on opiates.
Ana: You must have suffered too much because of side effects and withdrawal. Opiates?
Cynthia: Vicodin.
Ana: I see.
Cynthia: among other wonder drugs for pain
Ana: You were sent to psychiatrists?
Cynthia: I’ve seen psychiatrists, neurologists, eurologists, endocrinologists.. and the list goes on. Hormone replacement worked wonders but i still cope with depression
Ana: What do you feel when you are depressed? 
Cynthia: Well, i feel like ending my life or i just don’t care what’s going on.Isolate, zone out, lose focus, get confused, irritated.
I don’t want to do anything, not even get out of bed.
sometimes i just feel totally numb. I haven’t been able to hold a traditional job, ever. Not for more than a few months.  I get panic attacks, anxiety, tremors, migraines, sinus headaches, cluster headaches and have chronic pain in both legs.
So holding a job is out of the question. I try, but get fired, or quit
I’m not good with stress, unless I’m really passionate about what im doing
Ana: Passionate! Good you feel that way doing something. This can be part of your focus. Ror how long you took psych-drugs and when did you stop?
Cynthia: i took them off and on for most of my life. They started me on culvert when i was really little
Ana: on cylert?
Ana: Cylert I don't know.
Cynthia: big fingers, little keyboard
Ana: hehe
Cynthia: ADD maybe. I don’t remember what it was for. Back then if you looked out the window during class they put you on Ritalin or cylert. I was hyperactive as a kid. then started going downhill about 8 after my first migraine. I had one every year about the same time- they started getting more frequent after a while. By the time i was 13, once a month. I could count out the days.. 20.. 24.. 27.. migraine! Almost like a period.
Cynthia: mom noticed i wasn’t developing like a boy.. or really at all so she took me to some quack. He decided i needed to have my testes surgically lowered and they found a little ovarian tissue. took that out, started me on testosterone.
Cynthia: migraines started lasting longer 3 days to 3 weeks.
By the time i was 18, my head was a screaming mess unless i was high. I started taking opium when i was 16. had been on pot for a while. First drug i ever tried was LSD. Seemed the pot and the opium were the only thing that would quiet the migraines. So I self medicated.
When i was 18, i stopped the T, and my migraines got less frequent. Imagine that.
Ana: T is?
Cynthia: testosterone.
Cynthia: I’ve been clean since my 21st birthday- about 12 years
Ana: Oh!
Cynthia: they decided to make me a boy by injection.
Ana: This is criminal.
Cynthia: at 20, my hormone levels dropped to near nothing, migraines and cluster headaches were worse than ever and more frequent- I'd feel hot when it was freezing outside and vice versa. my body does NOT generate its own hormones. but testosterone was the wrong choice.
Ana: They made a guess it seems to me.
Cynthia: they guessed i was a boy.
Ana: Yes.
Cynthia: they guessed wrong. Should have asked me maybe?
Ana: Exactly.
Cynthia: one doc did.
But i was terrified of the consequence if i told the truth. I said- of course i want to be a normal boy. I regret that one like hell. I was a kid, i wanted to be normal.
Ana: "Normal"....
Ana: This is a hard definition.
Cynthia: you know the mathematical norm of all societal variances
Ana: Yes.
Cynthia: a pregnant hermaphrodite living on less than a dollar a day,
Cynthia: loll
Ana: loll
Cynthia: 50 percent male, 50 percent female, 1.4 children, annual income of around 9000 a year
Cynthia: or some such. need to check the census
Ana: You were hurt too much.
Cynthia: i can’t cope with daily life
Ana: I'm speechless. You and many people.
Cynthia: I can but it’s difficult. Holding a job is.. well.. laugh
Ana: Depression is very difficult.
Cynthia: So far I’ve no job, no insurance; don’t qualify for unemployment or welfare. Can’t prove a permanent address so food stamps are out of the question
Ana: Many people are in the same boat.
Cynthia: I get by. Dad says im lazy. Living at home I feel more like a leech than living with friends
Ana: Family members don't understand. And physicians don't explain to them either.
Cynthia: or really to the patient even
Ana: There is no campaign to explain what depression really is,.
Cynthia: I'im going to medicate you for... *rolls dice* insomnia
Ana: That's the way they do. "rolls dice" is the right description.
Cynthia: i don’t trust them
Ana: Me and many others too.
Cynthia: all they’ve done for me is put a hole in my pocket. drawing on credit debt for medications and living expenses... I’m in a hole i can’t dig out of. I need hormones so my body knows to cool down when its warm, and warm up when its cold, regulate my moods. Beyond that- i don’t want to try the next new misdiagnosis.
Ana: I don't think you need any other diagnosis.
Cynthia: I know what’s going on to some extent, most of the time. My memory short term and a little of my long term. because a woman’s brain can’t take the damage Testosterone does to it over a 5 year period.
Ana: I'm sure that some of your symptoms are due to medications
Cynthia: i started failing math tests only when i could no longer reinvent the formulas on the fly. I’m a very smart person
Ana: I can see that.
Ana: Few people know what was done to them. You know very well.
Cynthia: my test scores were thru the roof. My brain tells me that when i was little, it told y ovaries to kick in, but didn’t find any- so it just shut that pituitary gland right down. doc stepped in and forced it back on. That’s the source of my problems. I could be 5 foot 6 instead of 6 foot four, a whole lot prettier and much less hairy.
Ana: In the name of "normality" they did the wrong treatment to you. They don't allow people to be what they are. They don't research. It costs... money.
Cynthia: i could have been a very successful marine biologist
Cynthia: loll
Ana: loll
Cynthia: really, when i was a kid wanted to work with dolphins.
Ana: :)
Cynthia: instead, I’m founding my own species.
Ana: I have to tell you that I'm crying. I'm very emotional.
And get very sad when hear medicine doing wrong to people.
Cynthia: you’re ok hon.
Ana: I thought that it was only once in a million years that transgender appeared.
Cynthia: one in 250
Ana: Just like they tell us in History Channel.
Cynthia: has some form of gender variant condition.
Ana: And they have to intervene.
Cynthia: there is a society in Indonesia that respects 5 genders
Ana: Really?It's amazing!
Cynthia: funny, about unequal number of each there. The reason the numbers are so low in the 'civilized' world? People feel they have to hide it. Most become unexplained suicides.
Ana: :(
Cynthia: of those that transition, less than one percent survive, due to suicide brought on by social and economic pressures, or are brutally murdered. Sorry, that is to age 60. We have a great chance of survival, doing this, being who we are takes balls of steel.
Ana: I can imagine.
Cynthia: I don’t deal with a lot of the discrimination issues for 2 reasons: if they see me as a man, they see me as a very large man (6'4") and don’t want to fuck with me or I pass well enough that no one sees a man.
When it comes to getting a job, whole other story:
"we so want to hire you!" i just need a copy of your driver’s license and SS card. 10 minutes later they are informed the position was filled already and are deeply sorry for the inconvenience.
And i can hear the stifled giggling after the door closes behind me
Ana: Speechless..... angry.... sad....  angry...
Cynthia: how i feel most of the time. angry. Cheated.
Ana: You have the right.
Cynthia: this is America. Equal protection under the law extends to race, physical sex, and sexual orientation only. Gender identity, not so much
Ana: I feel the same for fewer reasons.
Cynthia: I’m a non-human and proud of it.
Ana: You are very human to me. Seriously.
Cynthia: oh please no.. lol. no thank you. i am not a part of the atrocities committed by humankind
Ana: Many people feel stigmatized. lol Yes, I agree. Many people are saying:The more I know human beings the more I love animals. I'm a "normal" woman who prefers to be in touch with people, real touch
than to socialize with stupid.
Cynthia: i do not follow a philosophy of greed ignorance, or destruction, nor do i commit atrocities in the name of religion.
Ana: I think that the main issue are governments that indoctrinate people to hate this and that. People don't think by themselves. They judge according to what common judgment tells them.
Cynthia: that’s another reason i don’t claim to be human. i believe in Christ, and follow his teachings, but refuse to be called a Christian.
Ana: Me too. Church has nothing to do with spirituality. They care about other things.
Cynthia: oh, that’s about money too
Ana: Money? If you were rich maybe you would be a celebrity that is a tiny little different.
Cynthia: churches are about money and political power, modern churches anyway
Ana: Yes.
Cynthia: a real church is any number of people (more than one) talking about gog, praying, or praising
Cynthia: god.
Cynthia: worst typo ever
Ana: I agree.